I have finished my first week of boot camp! Things have been going well at the gym for me. I am feeling good. I am up to 20 minutes on the treadmill, plus 10 different exercises with weights. I have already been increasing how much I can lift and it feels good. I am tired at the end, but I usually get a nap in the afternoon. I am also coughing out more than I would on a normal day, which I think is partially keeping me away from the looming next round of IVs. I am looking forward to pushing myself in the gym next week. I am also proud of how active I've been at home. Even though my exercise wasn't always regular, I tried to do it whenever I could handle it. It has really helped to make boot camp easier.
I will admit that even though I've done well physically this week, I can't say the same emotionally. I have had a couple of freak outs. I know that I will be activated on the wait list before the six weeks is up. Every day I'm getting closer. And it's scary. I still don't feel ready enough. And maybe I never will feel fully prepared. Maybe no one does.
Even bigger than the challenge of daily boot camp will be me coming to terms with being activated on the list. I know that's part of the deal when I agreed to transplant, but it feels like a huge hurdle. I have (at most) five more weeks to wrap my brain around this.
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