Hello Frustration

Fresh out of the hospital, I am feeling better than I have in months. Even better than after home IVs in August. I have been trying to take advantage and get some things done around the house. I feel like I've accomplished so much already, and it IS a lot compared to my productivity over the last couple months. But realistically, it's hardly anything. Hello frustration.

Today I had a meltdown when my husband started doing the housework that I had been planning to do. Of course, I appreciate him helping me and letting me save my energy for other (more fun) things. But the frustration still hit me. These are things I want to do, but have a hard time doing. Yes, I know that getting out of doing chores should be celebrated... but I feel like I still need to have that sense of accomplishment when you finish a task. Those moments are happening less and less.

I think it's a control thing. I want to do what I want when I want. With a baseline lung function around 30% on a good day, that isn't always possible. I have to remind myself to take the help offered. I need to prioritize and make sure my effort and energy is well spent. I need to let go a little. Easier said than done.

I am so lucky to have people who care about me and are willing to help me. My husband is especially thoughtful and selfless. He is amazing. I couldn't imagine living without him, trying to manage everything from treatments to cooking alone. To be quite honest, if I lived on my own I'd probably starve! I just have to get used to the idea that until I am a few months out after transplant, this is the new reality.

Yeah, I think it's a control thing.